I received a postcard

It is officially the most action packed postcard I’ve ever recieved (both in terms of content and space utilization). It is also officially the furthest anyone has ever gone for me in response to a fb wall post. Thankiu M, it brought a M-assive grin to my face (:

Dear M,

I think Athertons sounds absolutely amazing you are a good marketing person, high chances I will apply there for rural next year. And what good timing too, thanks for the birthday wishes and E absolutely loves the mushroom voucher idea haha. But during bday celebration yesterday E can’t help but to remember the genius cheesecake M sneakily whipped up, does M have pics? E also officially gives M partial right over mimi and iban (our pets) and E will be bringing over another pet courtesy of lynniejeengandqin (pictures soon hopefully). E misses M very much, but E shall see M very soon.

lup,
E

 

**I edit**

 

The Colour Diet

I believe that Asian magazines come up with the weirdest ideas ever.

Reading through a Chinese (gossip/fashion?) magazine at the hairdresser’s yesterday, I came across this article (pardon my crude translation):

Unconventional? But it works! The Colour Diet

I was pretty intrigued due to the length of the article, since I was half expecting a couple of pages rambling on how food of different colours provide you with a million antioxidants etc. The article was only a page long, plus pictures – the actual diet plan was only something like, 5 lines.

So here’s what you do on the Colour Diet:

• In the morning, drink 500ml warm water with a spritz of fresh lemon and a pinch of salt in a blue cup. Blue prevents you from overeating for the rest of the day.
• When eating lunch, imagine that all your food is green. This will encourage satiety.
• Dinner must include a red and orange based food. This is your boost of antioxidants (I knew there was bound to be antioxidant babble)

And that’s it! The rest of the page provided a moderately extensive list of foods grouped according to colour. I imagine that this diet banks on psychological dieting (seriously, imagining everything you’re eating is green?! witw) more than anything else.

On a side note I was at the hairdresser’s and I did get a haircut, but I can’t say I like it. I think I’ll never grow my hair past my 3rd rib, because the ends always become disturbingly ugly enough to warrant a trim every single time it reaches that level. And the length snipped off just so happens to be the length grown out since my last haircut. Very frustrating.

I realise I can’t be bothered to end this. bai.

Banana Splat

I’m guilty of misusing fb status updates and Plurk as a way of coping with my hormonal in/effluxes. I find them the places which I can be taken the least seriously (but at the same time I don’t mean that I’m in the very least insincere) and they’ve become an outlet that I’ve sometimes abused, by my standards. I also tend to blame everything on hormones.

It’s becoming distressing to me how I cope with my own stressors. I started thinking about mid-year exam results today. It’s really a semi make it or break it issue – if I didn’t do well in it, there’s a large possibility that I’m dropping out next semester. You see, if I fail, or even just pass – I foresee a great deal of counseling coming my way. It’s true that only I can make the decision of whether I go or stay in my course, but if you understand the concept of a secondary decision maker – I think I’m somewhat like that. If there’s talk going on about how I should reconsider being in Medicine post exams this round, I have a feeling that I’m going to give in. I love what I do – but sometimes I wonder if I’m just clinging on to something that I merely want, but wasn’t meant for me, as I do with many things in life.

The greatest luxury home provides me with, right now, is the faraway feeling from everything happening in my life. It’s seeing my life through a telescope, and the best thing is how I can just look away and forget it all for a moment. I totally understand broken hearted people who hop on the next flight to Norway, disappear for 3 years and come back a new person. The only difference with me though, is that I don’t have 3 years. Nor do I want to go back – new or old person, whatever. I’m quite happy keeping my life as undramatic as it is right now.

I know I’ve been playing with the idea, albeit jokingly, but nevertheless it seems very appealing during times like this: why not drop everything and be a homemaker.

The more I write the more confused I feel. The times I feel most drunk are the times when I’m physically the most sober, eg: this, and the Sydney bus incident (you can ask me if you haven’t heard). I feel lost, very anxious and numb.

I abuse fb and Plurk. Do I abuse being at home too?

 

I wish my brain had a shut down button.

Sporadic

The untruth
I had been extremely worried about weather or not my skeleton was going to be let on the plane to Townsville this morning. I’ve learnt that the best way to deal with doubt though, is to never let it show. I put on my most confident face and placed my wooden box on the check-in belt. “What’s in the box?” she asked.

“It’s uh…some learning aids, for study…uh…”
“So it’s not a musical instrument?”

I said no and she put it through. Huge sigh of relief.

Swept off my feet
I’ve confessed that I’m a sucker for chivalry, but I really am. Perched on a high stool in a cafe in QVB, at a narrow countertop waiting for my order – I had an umbrella which I sloppily hung from the counter. It fell off a few sesconds into its balancing act, and made the loudest noise ever. I groaned to myself because the floor seemed miles away - I nearly had to jump off the chair and hope I land safely. However, a gentleman walked to where my umbrella fell, picked it up and smoothed it out, folded it along its correct creases, tied it up and handed it back to me with a smile. Doing all this he took his time, each action performed ever so delicately as I just sat there and watched him. Of course, I received my umbrella from him with the sweetest smile I could muster, and actually felt grown up, for once.

Lazy afternoons and furry friends
Elizabeth and I spent a good part of the afternoon at Darling Harbour, just chilling (all meanings of the word) on the grass and doing nothing. It was good to just sit and talk and 50cents of a soft serve was plenty to keep us blissful. Although Eli was concerned (I think :p) of people giving us odd looks/in case she met anyone she knew who’d catch her sleeping under a tree in Darling Harbour – I’m pretty sure anyone whose gaze lingered in our way only did it out of envy (: When it got dark, I spotted furry things with long tails scurrying out from unknown places. Rats decided to join in the fun! But we thought that we weren’t that keen to hang with them, so we left.

Breakfast at the Fish Markets
Just the title sounds hardcore enough, methinks. It had to be the most lavish breakfast ever with a massive plate of salmon sashimi, oysters, seafood platter complete with a bottle of wine! I enjoyed seeing people I hadn’t met in ages though – Linus and James, and meeting their friend, D, who was nearly a carbon copy of XJ+10lbs. It was pouring that day, so we had to brave the rain after, and goodbyes are always hard to do.

Bento box
I stayed over at Auntie Judy/Uncle Kar Gay’s place again. We had chats about nearly everything, and Auntie Judy showed me Jessy’s bento box. Too lovable to be true, and it immediately brought M to mind, and all our culinary escapades and the Forme yoghurt boxes we had been using as our makeshift ‘bento boxes’ when we went on our picnics. My excitement showed, and Auntie Judy asked: “Would you use it if you had one?” Without a second thought I said “yes” with much gusto, but immediately after I realised that knowing Auntie Judy, she prolly would want to give me one then, and I wished I could take it back. Too late though, and she brought out a bento box, and gave it to me as my birthday present. It was indeed a gift that made my day.

When I lost my virginity to Brenner
First visit ever to MaxB, after hearing so much about it. We even sat at the countertops overlooking all the passers by, and everyone who passed by couldn’t resist but to take a peek into the cafe. It was good, but I’d only do it once.

 

Sydney wasn’t just all this, of course – there were many other wonderful moments from my trip. Especially with Uncle Freddie/Auntie Winny and family, Esther, and I got to meet up with  people that I hadn’t seen in a year. Till then, fin.

First name issues

The biggest compliment anyone has ever given me on my name would have to be this gem of a lady from church.

I’ve grown up pronouncing my name as Eve-lyn, although I stress again that it isn’t spelt that way, but Eveline. However, Australians in general have a big problem with my name, for reasons beyond my comprehension. A typical gettoknowyou conversation inevitably goes something like this:

“I’m Josh. Nice to meet you”

“I’m Eve-lyn”

“Eve…Evening?”

“Eve-lynne”

“Eve…I’m sorry what was that again?”

“E.v.e.- l.y.n.”

“…OH! A-ve-lyn!”

I then nod my head with much enthusiasm and smile, because at least my new found friend has a name to call me by. It doesn’t help when I get their names perfectly the first time too, just because it’s a josh-level name (if you get my point). Which makes me look like an idiot most of the time – apparently I can’t say my own name properly. Calvin did have a discussion about this with me before – why fight it, he says. Thus occasionally now I introduce myself as “A-ve-lyn”, something they usually get within 2 repeats.

Returning then to this dear lady from church, imagine my delight when I had the gettoknowyou talk with her:

“What’s your name, love”

“A-ve-lyn”

“What was that?”

“A-ve-lyn. Well, actually Eve-lyn, but no one here seems to say my name that way”

“No, no – Eve-lyn was it? I had a friend from the UK, and they say it as Eve-lyn too. It’s a beautiful name”

Try to e-magine my ecstasy when I heard that. I returned to annoy the hell out of a good proportion of Australians by saying my name as Eve-lyn. It does get tiring though. So, as I confided in M a few days ago, I now confide to you:

When I place an order at cafes and they ask for my name, I say Jane.

Now you know, and even better, you know why I do it.

Back to last reviews of exam material now.

I tell people my week has been productive (:

I think it suffices to say that this swotvac has turned out to be the most productive (and enjoyable) one so far. I thank M especially for being the ultimate study buddy!

Some things are going to stick as a swotvac tradition from now on I think:

• Fist brandishing. I tattoo in the subject name M is doing for the day in washable ink of my favourite colour of the day and keep it there till M finishes with it, and vice versa
• Milo breaks. Cold soy milk and milo powder, the ultimate pickmeup for droopy eyelids and a foggy head. Everyone’s looking to see if that 1kg value tin of Milo will last us both through till the end of swotvac
• Hand washing. Once we finish with the subject, we can then wash off the ink from our fists. The ultimate satisfaction

Studying with M gives me much motivation. It makes swotvac so much more bearable, even enjoyable.

So much to look forward to this time next week.

Sentiment

I was just wondering how long it’s been since I had a ‘circle of friends’ that I actually belonged to. I have friends, of course, some of which are more precious to me than anything in the world, but if I bring all these people together it would be, a very diversified group which won’t necessarily get along together unfortunately.

I think back to high school where I had my ‘clique’ so to speak, and we were happy as a group of friends. Sometimes I look at where I am now (eg: today) and can’t help but to wish that I belonged to a ‘clique’ here at uni too. Sometimes I am here, somedays I’m there – I don’t really belong anywhere, I feel.

I’m such a child. Alternatively you could choose to ignore this.

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I embarassed myself but I’m glad I made you laugh(?)

I must had been high today

khngyi: I would like to get married in the future, but I think it’s not going to happen…

E: Why not?

S: Yea, getting married is a pretty big committment hey..

khngyi: *ignoring everyone 101%* …which is why my ambition is to become the world’s most eligible bachelorette.

S: That’s not going to be of much use, is it?

khngyi: Just to make everyone else envious.

LOL

 

*smack*

I usually think before I speak, but my brain must have went on vacation today.

I feel like many solar flares

To be completely honest I’ve been mighty flammable as of late. I could snap at the most trivial of things, and then end up having a heated argument and then slink out into the bathroom, cry my frustration out for 2 minutes and come back ready for something else. I easily forget what happened to trigger such a response from myself, but right now I’m feeling that this cycle is eating out of me and I am just so tired.

I’d rather not have to explain why I’m feeling like this and I think I wouldn’t be able to either even if I tried. Perhaps this is a form of escapism, where I’m just unwilling to spend the effort analysing what really is causing the badbad feelings.

I start/finish the day with feelings of worthlessness and fatigue, never feeling that I’ve accomplished enough, always feeling like I’ve let someone down today. Throughout the day I feel like everything is (literally) collapsing on me and it becomes so hard to breathe, but I don’t know what to do.

If the effects stemming from this were limited to me and me alone, I wouldn’t be as frustrated, I guess. But it’s even affecting people I care about, and I don’t know how to make it stop. Which makes it a lot more disturbing to me.

Or is it just that I’m not trying to make it stop?

My mind is just too small for this.