I’m guilty of misusing fb status updates and Plurk as a way of coping with my hormonal in/effluxes. I find them the places which I can be taken the least seriously (but at the same time I don’t mean that I’m in the very least insincere) and they’ve become an outlet that I’ve sometimes abused, by my standards. I also tend to blame everything on hormones.
It’s becoming distressing to me how I cope with my own stressors. I started thinking about mid-year exam results today. It’s really a semi make it or break it issue – if I didn’t do well in it, there’s a large possibility that I’m dropping out next semester. You see, if I fail, or even just pass – I foresee a great deal of counseling coming my way. It’s true that only I can make the decision of whether I go or stay in my course, but if you understand the concept of a secondary decision maker – I think I’m somewhat like that. If there’s talk going on about how I should reconsider being in Medicine post exams this round, I have a feeling that I’m going to give in. I love what I do – but sometimes I wonder if I’m just clinging on to something that I merely want, but wasn’t meant for me, as I do with many things in life.
The greatest luxury home provides me with, right now, is the faraway feeling from everything happening in my life. It’s seeing my life through a telescope, and the best thing is how I can just look away and forget it all for a moment. I totally understand broken hearted people who hop on the next flight to Norway, disappear for 3 years and come back a new person. The only difference with me though, is that I don’t have 3 years. Nor do I want to go back – new or old person, whatever. I’m quite happy keeping my life as undramatic as it is right now.
I know I’ve been playing with the idea, albeit jokingly, but nevertheless it seems very appealing during times like this: why not drop everything and be a homemaker.
The more I write the more confused I feel. The times I feel most drunk are the times when I’m physically the most sober, eg: this, and the Sydney bus incident (you can ask me if you haven’t heard). I feel lost, very anxious and numb.
I abuse fb and Plurk. Do I abuse being at home too?
I wish my brain had a shut down button.
*hugs* you are so much more than you think you are hun. feel better soon.
*hugs* Yes, Khang, chin up. You have us, regardless, ya? And I’d like to hear about the Sydney Bus Incident (feels like this deserves capitalised letters) in happier circumstances :)
What Bus Incident? *eheh*
Ne Khang, we know you’ll be excellent in whatever you decide to do. Don’t worry yeself so much about it :)
well it does not have a shut down button but it has a sleep-it-off button
heh!
was good seeing you eve!