Sentiment

I was just wondering how long it’s been since I had a ‘circle of friends’ that I actually belonged to. I have friends, of course, some of which are more precious to me than anything in the world, but if I bring all these people together it would be, a very diversified group which won’t necessarily get along together unfortunately.

I think back to high school where I had my ‘clique’ so to speak, and we were happy as a group of friends. Sometimes I look at where I am now (eg: today) and can’t help but to wish that I belonged to a ‘clique’ here at uni too. Sometimes I am here, somedays I’m there – I don’t really belong anywhere, I feel.

I’m such a child. Alternatively you could choose to ignore this.

Protected: Reason

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I embarassed myself but I’m glad I made you laugh(?)

I must had been high today

khngyi: I would like to get married in the future, but I think it’s not going to happen…

E: Why not?

S: Yea, getting married is a pretty big committment hey..

khngyi: *ignoring everyone 101%* …which is why my ambition is to become the world’s most eligible bachelorette.

S: That’s not going to be of much use, is it?

khngyi: Just to make everyone else envious.

LOL

 

*smack*

I usually think before I speak, but my brain must have went on vacation today.

I feel like many solar flares

To be completely honest I’ve been mighty flammable as of late. I could snap at the most trivial of things, and then end up having a heated argument and then slink out into the bathroom, cry my frustration out for 2 minutes and come back ready for something else. I easily forget what happened to trigger such a response from myself, but right now I’m feeling that this cycle is eating out of me and I am just so tired.

I’d rather not have to explain why I’m feeling like this and I think I wouldn’t be able to either even if I tried. Perhaps this is a form of escapism, where I’m just unwilling to spend the effort analysing what really is causing the badbad feelings.

I start/finish the day with feelings of worthlessness and fatigue, never feeling that I’ve accomplished enough, always feeling like I’ve let someone down today. Throughout the day I feel like everything is (literally) collapsing on me and it becomes so hard to breathe, but I don’t know what to do.

If the effects stemming from this were limited to me and me alone, I wouldn’t be as frustrated, I guess. But it’s even affecting people I care about, and I don’t know how to make it stop. Which makes it a lot more disturbing to me.

Or is it just that I’m not trying to make it stop?

My mind is just too small for this.

Every little thing

When I want something so bad I just got to work for it.

Caution: nerd post

After this week the poster that you sent me longtimeago made me smile very happily indeed, lynnie. This after drowning meself in assay after assay after assay throughout this week on the ETC.

My favourite inhibitor for today is KCN, because it is absolute coolness (in what it can do), and favourite uncoupler is thermolysin, because it does good work. wadaboutyheu?

Heehe. nerd.

 

PS: and yes, I commend ye once more on a pretty poster (:

Stardust

I’m going home in 2 months.

Bootcamp

I was not in any way eager to start the day when I woke up this morning. Unmotivated, frustrated (with an empty toner cartridge), panicky (test again next week) and guilty (little study done over weekend). I only had a 2 hour clinical session to get through in the afternoon, and the morning started out as a pretty drab day.

I thought I could get my printer fixed today. Refilling the cartridge will take till next Tuesday, and I do not feel right at all without my printouts. Tried printing at the library, but the printer there would not print all the jobs I send to it, no matter how many times I tried.

Still feeling tired/nauseated/heavy/sticky(no idea)/painful eyes – I did not want to do anything, period. I may be PMSing, that I agree.

But surprisingly clinical session turned out to be very enjoyable. While waiting for it to start I had only all intention to get it over with as painlessly as possible, and there I was hermiting in a corner, replying cheery greetings with only faint smiles, staring into space and totally unengaged. That pretty much also suffices to sum up my feelings over the weekend – just (feeling), dead.

I paired up with Lucas for clinical today, and he took my blood pressure. 95/60:

“Eveline, you’re so dead – I can barely hear anything through the stethescope. I can’t feel your pulses either.”

Pretty coincidental, no?

Okay, I know I said that clinical today did end up being enjoyable – and it was, though I don’t know exactly how it started. All I remember was Lucas bursting out in hysterics in the middle of me taking his blood pressure – and the rest of the session was a breeze.

Which makes me think – am I really the culprit behind my feeling downinthedumps? I feel like giving myself a good slap and shake: “Wakey wakey!! Do something productive hello!!”

Because how can a burst of random laughter be enough to drive my dark clouds away? I certainly didn’t perceive my problems to be as easily resolved as that. But perhaps, they are, and I’m just being foolish?

Miss KY Lim. You will do hard work starting tonight, no excuses, and be happy about it.

Update of Sort

Homesick.

Headache.

Happy with last night.

But still homesick.

Energy levels at all time low.

Not doing as much work as I’d like.

Help me. Gah.

I know what you did last weekend.

Michelle SY Sam. What eez meaning of theez?